"Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great." - Mark Twain

I have
spent a long time trying to fight him. I’ve tried to fight his negativity with
my positivity. I’ve tried to argue with him to change his mind about me, and
generally change his negative view towards people. I’ve tried to show him that
I’m a good person. I’ve revealed his faults so that he would stop focusing so
much on mine. I’ve even tried ignoring his negative words and not let them
affect me. But none of that worked. It only exhausted me so much that I felt
broken and unable to move forward.

Someone has
damaged you and is bringing you down, “If you feel less motivated, if you feel
worse about yourself, [and] if you're more aware of your faults,” says Evans.
She explains that we are happiest when we feel we are making progress toward
our goals and dreams, no matter how big or small. But a person who makes us
feel bad can greatly slow our progress, stop it, or move it back, which causes
sadness.
They can
damage us in a lot of ways. By being brought down, you are “less able to access
your intelligence,” because being upset makes you feel confused and like you
can’t sort through your thoughts. It’s also easier to do unethical things, such
as lie, avoid facing problems, and be sneaky. Evans explains, “Most of the
things you've done in your life that you're ashamed of are things you've done
when you feeling negative emotions.” She adds that when people make us feel angry, sad, or fearful, our perception on life gets distorted, “Anger biases you to see more trespass. Sadness biases you to see
more loss. Fear biases you to see more danger.” So when someone brings you
down, he or she is actually contributing to you being a worse person, and to being more negative.
Negative
people can also affect our health in a lot of bad ways, but positivity can
bring more benefits than the damage of negativity. Evans references an
experiment by Arthur Stone at the University of New York, in which it was
discovered, “A good event like an enjoyable time with a friend or getting a
compliment on your work increases your body's production of immune cells for
two or three days. On the other hand, something negative, like criticizing
yourself or arguing with someone depresses your immune system, but only for one
day.”

The first
is to have compassion for them. Evans says, “people who bring you down are not
happy people.” When people like their lives and feel good about themselves,
they aren’t likely to put someone else down, except by accident once in a
while. When I was in second grade, there was this girl who made fun of me a
lot. She said I had a frog face. That comment doesn’t seem like much to an
adult, but to a kid, it was hurtful and I did not like that girl at all. When I
told my mom about it, she said to me, “You know how I read to you every night
and tuck you in? What if that little girl doesn’t get tucked in every night?
What if she doesn’t have a mommy or daddy? She’s not being mean for no reason.”
You never know what another person is going through and why they feel the need
to belittle others in order to feel better about themselves. Sometimes, the bullying is so unintentional and just comes
very natural, which is sad.
The next
thing Evans says to do is “be vague.” She explains, “If you are open with your
life and share information freely with someone who brings you down, they will
use that information against you somehow.” So, be vague about your own life, such
as by answering questions in a general way and not giving specific details. You
can also focus the conversation on their life. Even if they are negative about
their own life, it is easier to forget it afterward than to dismiss their
thoughts on your life.
You can
also “find something better to do.” Evans says, to achieve happiness, there are
two things we want: to feel good, and to make progress. Making progress toward a goal can mean the same as being productive in some way. So, she says you have
four possibilities: 1. “You can do something that feels good and makes
progress;” 2. “You can feel good without making progress;” 3. “You can make
progress without feeling good;” 4. “You can do something that doesn't feel good
and doesn't make any progress.” The best place to be is in the first
possibility, and the worst is in the fourth. Making progress without having fun
is better than the fourth option. And having fun without making progress can still lift your spirits, which
is also better than the fourth option. By listening to someone who you brings
you down, you are not feeling good or making progress. Also, if you are
trying to bring that person down, you are also not feeling good or making progress. Do
something else.

1. “Do something good for your body because your body has
been damaged” - Take care of your body. Treat yourself in some way. Get a
massage. Eat healthy. Exercise.
2. “Do something good for the world you live in because
depression is a conviction that you're helpless” – Volunteer, even if it’s only
once a month.
3. “Do something to learn so you're more able to handle the
situation you're in” – Learning more about your situation, or the other person, can help bring acceptance
and understanding.
4. “Get it said” – Talk to someone about what you’re
feeling, or write it down.
Evans holds
courses to help improve people’s well-being. She included one of her
transcribed sessions in her article, “How to Handle People Who Bring You Down.”
In her class, she asked two volunteers to go to one side of the room. They each
chose a person of about equal weight and size to be their “barrier.” The two
volunteers had to reach their goal of walking to the other side of the room.
The two “barriers” had to wrap their arms around them and hold them back.
The first
time the volunteers tried to walk across the room, the instructor asked
them to look down at the arms that were holding them back, and she said, “Think
of a mistake you've made... Now think of something good in your life... and realize
it's not going to last... Think of something bad in your life... and realize
it's probably permanent... and you're going to have to deal with it for the
rest of your life... Think about a weakness you have, a fault you have,
something that holds you back... Think of something that stands in your way and
prevents you from getting what you want... and realize it is more than you can
handle... Add up all the barriers you can think of that stand in your way... and
all your personal weaknesses... and come to grips with the fact that your goal
is completely hopeless... You'll save yourself a lot of heartache if you just
give up now...” When she asked them to cross the room, both volunteers
hesitated and then slowly struggled to walk a few steps.

This
example perfectly depicts what can happen when there is someone in your life
being positive and encouraging, and when they are doing the opposite. Often,
our own worst bully can be ourselves, and we should be aware of how negative or
positive we are towards ourselves and others. Evans says, “Depression is a
conviction of your own helplessness, a conviction that you can't make a
difference, that you have no effect… When you physically accomplish something
that you can see, it weakens your conviction that you're helpless. Your
accomplishment, no matter how small, is proof positive that you can cause and
effect.”
You are not
helpless. You are full of power. You are not worthless. You have more value
than you know. You are not a terrible person. You have much goodness in you. Your
struggles, triumphs, and experiences are valid. Don’t think less of them. Evans
advises us to take time to let others know they are appreciated, and to notice
the good in our lives. She says, “You can make them bigger and better able to
handle difficulties in their life, just by letting them know they're valuable.”
You are not the only one is being brought down by others, because you probably also
take part in bringing others down, even if unintentional. But you can be
brought up by lifting up others. You have the power to bring positivity and value to another
person, as well as yourself.
Source:
Love it!!! Love the words of encouragement..your ex coworker
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