“It is not a failure to readjust my sails to fit the waters I find myself in.”― The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy
I outlined
the plan for my life, scheduling writing time and siestas, as well as setting
aside time to look for a new job. This was just another adjustment brought on
by the coronavirus, but this time I planned to be prepared.
Nearly a
week went by as I accepted my new way of life when I got another call. I will
in fact start May 18. Though incredibly grateful, my instant reaction was “I
just figured out my life! Now I have to refigure it out!” I, like many people
affected by this crisis, have been jobless for two months. Though it’s had its
rough patches, I have for the most part flourished without a job. Now I must
prepare to go to back to work.
This
rollercoaster of a week, along with seeing how adjusted my little sister is
now, as well as others around me, got me to thinking how incredibly adaptive
people are. Proof of our ability to adapt is the fact that a Dutch restaurant now
serves customers in a glass cabin big enough for three people. Also, clubs have
moved to online with live videos and people are able to join in. It’s amazing to me
that though the world has seemed to come to a stop, we still find a way to keep
living.
Though humans find ways to be adaptive and resilient, our brains are hardwired
to resist change. Santosh Kesari, MD, PhD, explains that when we’re born, “We’re
figuring out positive and negative behaviors, what is good for survival and
avoiding consequences that would cause even short-term pain.” Nicole Spector
simplifies in her article, “How to train your brain to accept change, according to neuroscience,” that, “Essentially our brains learn what works and what
doesn’t early on… the brain gets used to doing certain things in a certain way
so that over time, introducing new behavioral modes becomes challenging.”
Our brains
crave routine, mostly because it conserves energy that way. In “This is Your Brain OnChange,” Jordan Rickard says, “To help conserve energy, the brain has learned
to hardwire repeated behaviors so they become automatic, rather than making the
brain “work” to complete them, which would use up precious energy.” This is why
learning new skills is a great brain workout, but is also very exhausting.
Interesting enough, when we experience something new, the brain tries to assess
if it is threat or not. To dissuade us from trying a new behavior, it releases
noxious neurochemicals.
Now that
the dust has been settling, and we are slowly trying to get society moving
again, people have been learning to adapt. Some better than others. In “Why 1in 3 People Adapt to Change More Successfully,” Nick Tasler gives an account of
a twelve year study starting in the 1970’s that revolves around a dismantled
phone company. The study followed hundreds of employees from before and after
the dismantling. When the phone company split into several companies, half of
the people the study followed was laid off while the other half stayed on.
The study
followed both groups for the next six years. They found, “The majority of
people—whether they kept their jobs or lost their jobs—were brought to their
knees by the change. There were divorces, strokes, cancers, suicides, kidney
failures, heart attacks, alcoholism, drug addictions, and compulsive gambling.”
However a third of the participants thrived.
Tasler says, “Those who stayed on at Illinois Bell became high-ranking
leaders in the changed organization. Those who were laid off became shooting
stars at their new companies.”
The third
of participants who thrived were no different than everyone else, except for
this: “While everyone else tried to bounce back, the adaptive third took a step
forward.” The ones who didn’t thrive felt lost and wanted to back track to the “good
‘ole days” when things made more sense to them. Tasler says, “When the
researchers asked the employees about their plans for the future… their image
of the future looked eerily similar to the past. They wanted to “bounce back”
to a place that no longer existed.”
When things
have gone wrong, looking to the past is a very common experience. Roxane Cohen
Silver “discovered that two out of three grieving widows, bereaved parents, and
victims of terrorism, child abuse, and natural disasters, will instinctively
look for meaning in the past. They try to find some explanation for their
suffering.” However, multiple studies led her to discover that, “one out of three
trauma victims will not search for a reason to explain why they are
experiencing misfortune. And it is this one third who turn out to be the most
well-adjusted—weeks, months, and years later.” In other words, the ones who
look to the future instead of the past are the ones who thrive.
With the
study that followed the phone company employees, researchers learned that the
one third who adapted well to the change also asked themselves what the change
meant. The difference is that, “rather than trying to make sense of what they
had done to deserve this experience, they tried to make sense of what they
could do now that it had occurred.” Tasler says, “That might be the single
greatest lesson of adaptation. Instead of asking why bad things happen to good
people, adaptive people turn that timeless riddle on its head and ask what can
good people do when bad things happen?”
So then the
next question becomes can you learn to adapt better to this new experience? But
I think the question to answer first is how adaptable are you right now? The Center for Creative Leadership asks,
“How do you respond when facing change? Do you:”
• See the
change as an opportunity?
• Adapt plans
as necessary?
• Take into
account other people’s concerns?
• Sort out
your strengths and weaknesses fairly accurately?
• Admit
personal mistakes, learn from them, and move on?
• Remain
optimistic?
F. Diane
Barth L.C.S.W. explains in her article “How Well Adapted Are You?”, “Adaptability
in its most basic form is “the ability to adjust to different conditions.”” She
says the trick to adaptability is not to be fluid and ever changing to every
new person and situation. “Adaptability does not mean giving up all that you
hold dear. In fact, sometimes being overly flexible can create problems,” says
Barth.
Instead, the
most important component of adaptability is, “the ability to change, when it
would be useful, and to maintain a sense of stability about yourself at the
same time.” I think that in today’s world, this is like a person who is into
fitness finding creative ways to workout at home. Fitness is part of who they
are, so an adaptable fit person wouldn’t let the closure of gyms keep them from
their lifestyle. However, a person who is not good at adapting will either
revolt against gym closures (seeking the old way of life), or stop working out.
Barth says,
“Adaptability, then, is not a matter of ignoring your own feelings, needs,
beliefs, or thoughts and pushing through no matter what. It’s a process of
interacting with changes – in your life, in the world around you, and even in
yourself – with a mixture of compassion, understanding, and curiosity.”
For my own
situation, that start date for my new job has been moving around for two months.
It’s definitely kept me on my toes, because at first, I didn’t expect to be out
of work for so long. When the start date initially got pushed back two weeks, I
thought I would have a leisurely three week vacation with plenty of time for
writing. When it got pushed back a second time, I wondered what I would do with
my life for a month. By the third time and fourth time, I despaired and
struggled with depression. And now that I’m supposed to start work in a week, I’m worried and confused for entirely new reasons.
This is not
something I had any control over. All I could do was file for unemployment, and
look for a new job in this dire job market. I couldn’t just push through to
make everything work my way. I had to have understanding and compassion that
the company I’m about to work for is facing its own challenges. Everyone is
affected by what’s happening. So, I’ve been trying to adapt. And when I finally
start this job, I’ll have to learn to adapt again. It’s been an interesting two
months.
Which now
leads me to how does one learn to adapt? The Center for Creative Leadership says “If you want to improve your
responses to change in the future… you need to practice the 3 components of
adaptability: cognitive flexibility, emotional flexibility and dispositional
flexibility.”
- Cognitive flexibility: the ability to think divergently, learn from experience, and recognize when something is not working; learn how to approach a situation differently
- Emotional flexibility: the ability to vary how to deal with your own or other people’s emotions; comfortable with the process of transition; doesn’t shut down or dismiss your own or other’s emotions
- Dispositional flexibility: “the ability to remain optimistic and, at the same time, realistic;” acknowledges the bad while envisioning what can be better; “see change as an opportunity rather than as a threat or danger”
What does
this look like in practicality? There’s a lot of advice on the subject, but I’ll
share my favorite ones:
- Be curious – keep learning
- Be open
- Be resourceful – utilize what is already around you
- Experiment
- Be aware of your emotions, and of those around you
- Look for opportunity in the midst of failure and chaos
- Set multiple, achievable goals – small ones and big ones
Staying at
home without a job for two months has definitely been a bumpy ride. During this
time some are thriving, and some aren’t. What’s most uplifting about
adaptability is that you can choose to do it. It is a choice.
Every time
my start date got pushed back and I was faced with unknown weeks with nothing
to do, I made the choice to focus on self-improvement. I’ve experimented with
home remedies for random small ailments. I’ve kept my brain stimulated by
practicing Spanish, reading, and writing. I’ve added healthy new habits that I
hope to keep when I start working, like working out regularly and drinking
green tea every day when I wake up. Above all, I’ve taken this as an
opportunity to focus on my writing life.
People have been calling this our “new normal.” There are many who want to get back to our old normal, but there are others who see the good changes that have been
made, such as in pollution reduction. I even read recently that dating has changed and
forced people to slow down and get to know each other before moving on to
physical intimacy. Many advocates are calling for permanent changes to our
healthcare system. Here in California, we see that as an opportunity to reform
our jail systems and homeless situation.
We can
fight to go back to what was normal, but is that the best thing moving forward?
I think about those men in that phone company that instead of looking to the
past decided to look to the future. They decided to take this drastic change to
their lives and turn it into a great opportunity. What will you do with this
change?
Sources:
Dutch restaurant trials glass booths for dining amid coronavirus
Adapting to Change Requires Flexibility
14 Signs of an Adaptable Person
How Well Adapted Are You?
Why 1 in 3 Adapt to Change More Successfully
5 Habits That Let Emotionally Intelligent People Adapt to Anything
How to Train Your Brain to Accept Change
This is Your Brain on Change
5 Ways to Adapt to Change in Life
This is so good and so true! Adapting to this crisis and all the curve balls it has thrown at us has been super difficult, but we have to fight to thrive through it!
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