"But They're so Outgoing and Confident"

            She’s so social and happy and pretty. He’s so confident and smart and athletic. We compare ourselves to these people who just seem perfect. They seem to have everything going for them, or at least the major things. The outgoing and social people of the world appear to be the most confident, and that leaves others envious or feeling even more insecure about themselves.

            First, I always disagree with anyone who compares his/herself with anyone else. It’s simply unfair and unhealthy to do that. And if you’re one of those people, think about this: you don’t know their story or their life, but you know everything about your own. You know your flaws, your insecurities, your mistakes, your inmost thoughts, everything. So you know every bad thing about yourself. You know everything good thing too, but people have more trouble seeing the goodness within them. It’s so much easier to focus on the bad.

            Second, what do you know about that other person? She may have the perfect body. He may have so many more friends than you do. But really, what do you know about that person? What do you know about those people who seem perfect, outgoing, and confident? If those people aren’t your friends, then you know nothing. Nothing. If those people are acquaintances, you know minimal. If those people are your friends, you know surface level stuff. If those people are your best friends, then become a better listener and be more involved in their lives. You’ll soon find you have no reason to compare yourself to them.

            Here’s the truth about those people who seem like they have no insecurities or worries about life. They are just like you. You could be twins. Maybe not, but you’ll have more in common than you think. I have one of those outgoing, seemingly confident friends. She’s beautiful and has done some modeling, and she’s super social and outgoing. She’s also very insecure at times and needs a lot of reassurance, but very few people know that. People think she’s incredibly confident because she’s extroverted, but Carol Bainbridge’s article “Extrovert,” explains that “an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people.”

            The common belief is this: extroverted people are confident, and introverted people are insecure. This isn’t true. Confidence isn’t based on whether you’re an extrovert or introvert. And confidence is NOT arrogance. Confidence is being sure of yourself and believing in your ability to accomplish the various goals, small or big, that you have in life. Insecurity is the opposite of this; believing you can’t accomplish anything, or having little faith in yourself.

            A study led by Donald Loffredo at the University of Houston revealed the main aspect extroverts are actually more confident in, “Extroverts are more likely to perceive themselves as good communicators than are Introverts.” This is just one thing, and confidence in communication skills doesn’t mean overall confidence in one’s self.

            One of my great enjoyments in life is really listening to people. Not just hearing what they want the world to know, but listening to the bigger things that are going on in their lives. I can’t share their stories, but I can share the truth I’ve found. Everyone has a story and no one should compare their own to anyone else’s.

            If you’re one of those people who wishes you were more confident, or smarter, or prettier, don’t look to someone else for those standards. Set a standard for yourself and try to accomplish that. Do you want to be more confident? Then start believing in yourself. Do you want to be more attractive? Then find new eyes so you can see yourself differently. Seek the beauty in yourself, because it’s there.

Sources:

http://www.personalitydesk.com/blog/extroverts-more-confident-about-communication-skills

http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/extrovert.htm