“There was no world, no land, no god or heaven or earth outside of their two bodies naked and trembling in the act of love.”
―
I’ve
researched and covered the topic of sex in the Bible a few times throughout my
twenties. Whenever my views toward sex morph, I like to revisit what the Bible
really says about it. This time, I decided to dive deeper than I have before.
Before I
dive in to the research, I want to first lay out what Christians typically
believe about sex and what my views are.
Christian views on sex:
• Sexual acts
outside of marriage are sinful
• Sex is only
good within the context of marriage
And that
pretty much covers it. It’s black and white. Not married and having sex? That’s
bad. Married and having sex? That’s good.
This black
and white description has never been enough for me. It’s the same as teaching
abstinence as the only sex education for high schoolers. Not only is it
ineffective, but it is not helpful in the least. Who you choose to have sex
with, as well as how you approach the act of sex, are very complex.
My views on sex:
• Sex should
not be treated casually
• Sex does
not define the purity of our hearts
• Sex can be
good outside of marriage
• Sex is best
within the context of love and commitment (which to me doesn’t have to mean
marriage)
So, without
further ado, let’s see what the Bible really says about sex.
Old Testament
In the Old
Testament, The Oxford Companion to the
Bible says, “All sexual behavior that did not produce legitimate Israelite
offspring was, in varying degrees, censured or controlled.” Further, premarital
virginity only applied to women. There is no indication that men were expected
to be virgins at marriage.
During this
time, polygyny (one man with multiple wives) was socially and lawfully
acceptable for those who had the resources to care for multiple wives, such as
kings. Though having numerous wives was discouraged. Concubinage was also
socially and legally recognized.
Procreation
was the ultimate good and purpose of sex, thus sexual acts that did not lead to
this were sinful. The Oxford Companion
says, “All sexual behavior that did not contribute to the biblical notion of
“the children of Israel” was proscribed. Homosexuality, bestiality,
contraception, and masturbation were all prohibited, directly or by inference.”
Laws
To get a
grasp on Christian sex, we have to start with the many laws on sex, which are
mostly found in the books of Deuteronomy and Leviticus.
Leviticus 18:6-23:
“No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual
relations. I am the Lord.
Do not dishonor your father by having sexual relations
with your mother. She is your mother; do not have relations with her.
Do not have sexual relations with your father’s wife; that
would dishonor your father.
Do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your
father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born in the same
home or elsewhere.
Do not have sexual relations with your son’s daughter or
your daughter’s daughter; that would dishonor you.
Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your
father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.
Do not have sexual relations with your father’s sister;
she is your father’s close relative.
Do not have sexual relations with your mother’s sister,
because she is your mother’s close relative.
Do not dishonor your father’s brother by approaching his
wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt.
Do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law.
She is your son’s wife; do not have relations with her.
Do not have sexual relations with your brother’s wife;
that would dishonor your brother.
Do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her
daughter. Do not have sexual relations with either her son’s daughter or her
daughter’s daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness.
Do not take your wife’s sister as a rival wife and have
sexual relations with her while your wife is living.
Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during
the uncleanness of her monthly period.
Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife and
defile yourself with her.
Do not have sexual
relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.
Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile
yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual
relations with it; that is a perversion."
These laws
were supposedly given directly from God to Moses to give to the people so that
they do not “defile” themselves the way that others in the world do. The Oxford Companion explains that this
chapter was part of “The Holiness Code,” which includes chapters 17-26. These chapters
aimed at “maintaining the ritual purity of God’s people,” because of the idea
that God tells them, “You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.” He
wanted his people to be “set apart,” holy and different from others in the
world.
I would like
to point out that nearly all of these laws, except for the first and last one,
are directed at rules for men. It makes sense that these instructions would be
given to men, because women were considered second class citizens and not
properly instructed in Scripture until the New Testament times. They were
supposed to learn from their fathers and husbands.
Secondly,
women were considered property the property of men. If a man had sexual
relations with someone else’s wife, he was dishonoring that man because that
woman belonged to him.
Lastly, a
lot of these laws make sense to us today, because there are a lot of common
sense things you don’t do so that you don’t hurt another person.
More rules
are found in Deuteronomy 22:13-30 pertaining to laws around sex and marriage.
They include cases such as, “If a man takes a wife and, after sleeping with
her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, “I married
this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity,”
then the young woman’s father and mother shall bring to the town elders at the
gate proof that she was a virgin.”
If her
parents prove she is a virgin, the man must pay her parents for giving an “Israelite
virgin a bad name.” Then he can never divorce her. If no proof of her virginity
is found, however, she is to be taken to the door of her father’s house and be
stoned to death, because “She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being
promiscuous while still in her father’s house.”
Verse 22
says, “If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who
slept with her and the woman must die.”
If a man
sleeps with a woman pledged to marry, both must be stoned to death, “the young
woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man
because he violated another man’s wife” (v. 24)
In the case
of a man raping a woman pledged to be marry, only the man shall die. “This case
is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor, for the man found
the young woman out in the country, and though the betrothed woman screamed,
there was no one to rescue her” (v. 26-27).
“If a man
happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and
they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must
marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as
long as he lives” (v. 28-29).
Lastly, “A
man is not to marry his father’s wife; he must not dishonor his father’s bed”
(v. 30).
These laws
were in place for several reasons. They protected women from economic poverty,
and they protected a man’s lineage. The reason it was important for a woman to
be a virgin upon marriage was to ensure that all her children were her
husband’s. This ensured that his land and other inheritance would go down to
his children.
These laws
also protected women, because the worst thing to be during this time was an
orphan or a widow. They did not have the protection (whether financial or
otherwise) of family, or rather a man. If a woman was raped, it made sense at
that time that she should marry her rapist in case she had his children to
ensure that she and her children would be cared for. Women had little to no
means to provide and care for themselves at that time.
However, it
is also important to note that women were far more heavily punished for
promiscuity and premarital sex than men, if men were even punished at all.
Often times a woman was put to death for her sexual sins, while a man usually
had to pay a fine to her family. The only way a man got put to death for sexual
sin is if he was dishonoring another man by sleeping with his wife.
Numbers
5:11-31 also lays out a curse that is placed on an unfaithful wife, whereas
there are no such consequences for unfaithful husbands.
Prostitution
was also mainly a female profession, because The Oxford Companion explains, “In its primary form, prostitution
is an institution of patriarchal society that permits males to enjoy sexual
relations outside of marriage while preserving exclusive right of access to
their spouses.”
Also
important to note is that the Hebrew word for prostitute is zônâ,
which is a feminine word with no masculine counterpart. It comes from the word zānâ, which means
“promiscuous sexual activity in general and more specifically fornication by an
unmarried female.”
All of this
is to say that the treatment of sex was different for men and women. Women were
by no means allowed to be promiscuous, while men had a lot more freedom and
leeway. There was a different standard for men and women, much as there is
today, but obviously with different consequences.
A Deeper Examination
So, at this
point we’ve established that women are second class citizens, belonging to men,
and that certain laws are in place to protect holiness, procreation, and
inheritance. However, there are interesting scenarios where these laws play out
in ways that the modern Christian wouldn’t typically expect.
One of the
laws that hasn’t been discussed yet is levirate marriage, which is explained in
Deut 25:5-5, “If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a
son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall
take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. The first
son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will
not be blotted out from Israel.”
The Oxford Companion says the purpose of
levirate marriage was “to continue a lineage, to protect the alienation of
family property, and to provide for the social and economic welfare of widows.”
A great example of how this law plays out is found in Genesis 38.
In this
story, Judah had three sons, Er, Onan, and Kezib from oldest to youngest. He
got a wife for Er, whose name was Tamar. Because Er was wicked in the Lord’s
sight, the Lord put him to death, which left Tamar a widow with no children.
In verses
8-10, we see how the levirate marriage was supposed to take place:
“Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife
and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your
brother.” But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept
with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from
providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s
sight; so the Lord put him to death also.”
Then Judah
did something he shouldn’t have. He told Tamar to live in her father’s house
until his last son grows up. He told her this with no intention of fulfilling
the law, because he was afraid his last son would also die. Tamar went to live
with her father and after a long time, Judah’s wife dies.
By this
time, Judah’s last son had grown up, but Judah had still not given him to Tamar
to produce an heir for his first dead son Er. So, when Judah is going to
another town, Tamar tricks him by taking off her mourning clothes and
disguising herself with a veil. When Judah sees her, he doesn’t recognize her
and thinks she is a prostitute and asks to sleep with her. Tamar is clever in
asking to hold his seal, which is a unique identification to sign documents.
Three
months later, Judah is told his daughter-in-law Tamar is guilty of prostitution
and is pregnant. He wants to have her put to her death, but she reveals that
she is pregnant by the man who owns the seal she’s been holding on to.
When he
recognizes the seal as his own, he says, “She is more righteous than I, since I
wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah” (v. 26).
I think
this story reveals a few fascinating things. First, though Tamar slept with a
man who wasn’t her husband (and tricked him to do it), she is called righteous
because she was trying to fulfill the law that was meant to protect her dead
husband and herself. Though, it was not Er’s brother she became pregnant with,
she still fulfilled the law by carrying on a child from her husband’s family,
which ended up being her father-in-law.
Second,
Judah is in the wrong for not upholding the law by not giving Tamar to his last
son, but I think he realizes why she was righteous in their mutual act of sex
and he was not. She slept with him to uphold the law, but he slept with her
most likely out of lust and impure intentions.
This story,
though not the basis for all sexual laws, reveals that the intentions behind
sex are more important than the act itself.
Song of Solomon
No study on
sex in the Bible would be complete without at least touching on this book. For
anyone unfamiliar with this book, to put it simply, it is a song about the
beauteous joy of sex. Though its authorship is commonly attributed to Solomon
because his name is mentioned in the song, there is actually “no hint of actual
author or authors [that] appears in the text,” according to The Oxford Companion.
Other
noteworthy features are that its “intense style of poetry belongs to the genre
of love lyrics found in ancient Egyptian collections,” whereas certain lyrics
link it to other ancient Near Eastern cultures. It is the only book in the
Bible that is narrated, at least partly, from a female voice. Nearly fifty of
the words used appear nowhere else in the Bible.
There are
different interpretations of this song, but the most common one is “that it is
a collection of lyrics celebrating human love.” The lyrics work on a literal
and symbolic level, and The Oxford
Companion explains, “The garden and vineyard are places of nurture, whether
for plants or for sexual capacity.”
However the
song is read, it has frankly erotic imagery. Many argue that it’s about the joy
and beauty of sex within the sanctity of marriage, but there are scholars who
argue it’s about premarital sex. For me personally, I don’t really care one way
or another. One thing is certain: it’s a beautiful representation of sex that
is deeply loving.
I’d like to
point out that there is a male and female perspective, which enriches the idea
that sex is a mutually enjoyable activity for both who are involved. The two
characters adore each other and praise each other’s bodies. They want to take
in and enjoy one another as much as they can. The whole song is a celebration
of sex.
Though
there is no mention of the Song of Solomon in the New Testament, it’s still a
good jumping point to figure out what a new ministry teaches us about sex.
New Testament
While the
Old Testament primarily contains legalistic views on sex, the New Testament
goes to the heart of the matter. The OT focused more on outwardly, like fiscal
and property protection, while the NT focuses inwardly. We can learn a lot from
Jesus and Paul, but first we have to address one tricky little word.
Porneia
The Greek
word porneia appears 25 times within
24 verses, and is only found in the New Testament. It most often translates to “fornication,”
meaning extramarital or illicit sexual intercourse. However, it has many
different translations, including, “unchastity, sexual immorality, unfaithful,
promiscuous, prostitution, etc.”
Biblehub.com says that porneia is derived from pernaō, which means “to sell off,”
specifically “a selling off (surrendering) of sexual purity.” It also means “promiscuity
of any (every) type.”
In another
translation by Biblestudytools.com, its
primary definition is unlawful sexual intercourse, such as, “adultery,
fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.; sexual
intercourse with close relatives; sexual intercourse with a divorced man or
woman.” But it also has a metaphorical definition which is “the worship of
idols - of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices
offered to idols.”
Clearly,
there is a lot of broad use for this one little word. And it is used broadly
when applied to different verses in the Bible. Here’s a list of a few examples
of how this word is used:
Matthew 5:32 NIV: “But I tell you that anyone who divorces
his wife, except for sexual immorality,
makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman
commits adultery.”
GRK: παρεκτὸς λόγου πορνείας ποιεῖ αὐτὴν
NAS: for [the] reason of unchastity, makes
KJV: for the cause of fornication,
causeth
INT: except on account of sexual immorality causes her
Matthew 15:19 NIV: “For out of the heart come evil
thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual
immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.
GRK: φόνοι μοιχεῖαι πορνεῖαι κλοπαί ψευδομαρτυρίαι
NAS: adulteries, fornications,
thefts,
KJV: adulteries, fornications,
thefts,
INT: murders adulteries sexual
immorality thefts false witnessings
John 8:41 NIV: ““You are doing the works of your own
father.” “We are not illegitimate
children,” they protested. “The only Father we have is God himself.””
GRK: Ἡμεῖς ἐκ πορνείας οὐ γεγεννήμεθα
NAS: to Him, We were not born of fornication; we have
KJV: born of fornication;
we have one
INT: We of sexual
immorality not have been born
1 Corinthians 6:13 NIV: “You say, “Food for the stomach and
the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is
not meant for sexual immorality but
for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
GRK: οὐ τῇ πορνείᾳ ἀλλὰ τῷ
NAS: the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord,
KJV: [is] not for fornication,
but
INT: not for sexual
immorality but for the
1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the
body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
GRK: φεύγετε τὴν πορνείαν πᾶν ἁμάρτημα
NAS: Flee immorality.
Every [other] sin
KJV: Flee fornication.
Every sin
INT: Flee sexual
immorality. Every sin
Though
these translations definitely have similarities, it’s easy to see how a
different translation can skew the interpretation of these verses. I think the
easiest way to understand porneia is
any unlawful sexual act as described in the Old Testament.
Paul
Perhaps the
person who has the most to say about sex is Paul. Paul was not one of Jesus’
original twelve disciples, but instead was a Jewish Roman citizen Pharisee
whose mission it was to exterminate Christians. After his conversion, his new
mission was to bring the gospel to gentiles (non-Jewish people).
The Christian Bible Reference Site explains,
“There is no specific prohibition in the Bible against sex between an unmarried
man and unmarried woman. However, "sexual immorality" is denounced in
about 25 passages in the New Testament.” A lot of those denunciations come from
Paul, specifically in his letter to Corinth.
Corinth was
a port city where the temple of Aphrodite, the love goddess stood. The temple
had more than 1,000 prostitutes and sex was part of their worship rituals. It
was a city filled with flagrant sexuality, and the church of Corinth was
struggling to know what living a Christian life in this city looked like.
Paul has
much to say to them regarding sexual immorality, beginning with 1 Cor 5:1, “It
is actually reported that there is sexually immorality (porneia) among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among
pagans: A man has his father’s wife.” Leviticus 18:8 explicitly speaks against
sleeping with your father’s wife, so this was clearly sinful. Paul calls this porneia.
He
continues to condemn sexual immorality in chapter 6, because a mantra for
Corinth was, “Everything is permissible for me.” They believed that since Jesus
had already saved them, they were free to do whatever they want. Which is why
Paul says, “’Everything is permissible for me’ – but not everything is
beneficial” and “I will not be mastered by anything” (v. 12). By this he means
our bodies should not control us, and we shouldn’t be slave to its every
desire.
In verse
13, he goes on to say, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality (porneia), but for the Lord, and the Lord
for the body.” In this way, because our bodies are not our own, we should honor
our bodies instead of defiling them.
He goes on
to specifically warn against having sex with a prostitute. He says, “Do you not
know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the
members of Christ himself and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not
know that whoever unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For
it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the
Lord is one with him in spirit” (v. 15-17).
Alright, so
a few different things are going on here. Keeping in mind that this was the
city where the temple of Aphrodite was, it’s important to note that he was most
likely speaking against having sexual encounters with the temple prostitutes,
which must have been very common. Farmers would sleep with temple priestesses
believing that it would make their fields fertile. Sexual intercourse with a temple
priestess or prostitute was essentially cult worship. This meant uniting their
bodies, or being “one in spirit,” with them was like committing adultery
against Jesus.
Going
further, a prostitute would be considered impure, and thus unifying one’s body
with them would lead to further impurity. If our bodies belonged to Christ, who
is pure, they should not be united with someone who is impure.
Paul
commands, “Flee from sexual immorality (porneia).
All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually (porneuōn)
sins against his own body” (v. 18). Sinning against one’s own body is an important
concept, because it drives home the fact that Christianity is just as concerned
with the spiritual as it is with the physical.
The Life Application Study Bible explains, “At
the heart of Christianity is the story of God himself taking on flesh and blood
and coming to live with us, offering both physical healing and spiritual
restoration… We cannot commit sin with our bodies without damaging our souls
because our bodies and souls are inseparably joined” (pg. 1921).
Next Paul
moves on to talking about marriage. It’s important to note how differently
marriage and sex were handled during that time. The Christian Bible Reference Site has more insight: “Marriage was
neither a civil nor religious event. The fathers of the bride and groom made a
marriage contract known as a betrothal. After a year-long betrothal, the man
took the woman into his home, and they consummated the marriage with sexual
intercourse.”
The Corinthian church had many questions for
Paul regarding marriage, including, “is it good to be married?” To better
understand why this question was posed, remember the sexual climate this city
was in. The new Christians rejected immorality by rejecting sex and marriage
altogether, so that even married couples were abstaining from sex, and engaged
couples were deciding to not get married so as to avoid having sex. They wrongly
thought all sex was immoral and sinful.
Paul’s response to them is found in chapter 7.
In verses 1-6, he say, “Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a
man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality (porneia), each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own
husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise
the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also
to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him
alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent
and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I
say this as a concession, not as a command.”
Other
translations read, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (NKJV). The
Greek word used is haptomai, which
translates to touch, or “know carnally.” Here Paul is basically explaining that
sex is not bad, and that married couples should not withhold from it, unless it’s
for a short time with mutual consent. He also seems to be saying that is sex is
not good outside of marriage.
He further
adds, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay
unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,
for it is better than to burn with passion” (v. 8-9). These verses can often be
mistaken to mean that if you lack sexual self-control, you should get married.
That is not what Paul is saying. Marriage is a serious commitment not to be
taken lightly.
Here, the
context is also important. Only men could seek marriages, while women could
only seek remarriage after they were widowed. I think Paul is most likely
speaking to those who were engaged to be married. He is probably also broadly speaking
to those who don’t desire being single and celibate forever. Mostly, he was
trying to correct the thinking that people should avoid getting marriage just
so they could avoid having sex.
Paul has a
lot more to say about marriage, but lastly I’d like to layout his advice about
virginity. He says, “Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give
a judgement as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the
present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are… But if
you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned” (v. 25-28).
The word
virgin in Greek is parthenos, which
is a feminine noun, meaning that in all likeliness, the word only applied to
women. As indicated in the OT section above, only women were expected to be
virgins at marriage. It’s also important to note, that because women were
married off as soon as they reached child-rearing age, so it was also highly improbable
for them to have sex before marriage. Men, on the other hand, married later in
life. Since there were definitely less social and legal restrictions against
them, it’s very likely many men were not virgins by the time they married.
However,
the question that Paul is answering is, again, whether it’s right or wrong to
get married. He wishes everyone to be single as he, and devote their life to
ministry. But he says it is just as honorable to be single as it is to be
married.
Virginity
and refraining from sexual relations was something mostly applied to women
until Paul talked of the ways men should refrain from going to prostitutes, and
that it is not good for a man to “touch” a woman unless he is married to her.
He holds men and women to the same standard regarding sexual sin, and evens
seems to have more to say towards men than women, which would have been
revolutionary at that time.
However,
the most revolutionary person who went to the heart of the problem was Jesus.
Jesus
Jesus never
preaches directly about sex. Instead, he preaches on lust, adultery, and
divorce.
For anyone
unfamiliar with the ministry of Jesus, he was truly revolutionary in many ways.
Jesus consistently looked into the heart of people. He looked past facades of
people who thought they were righteous and saw what was on the inside. He
befriended the outsiders and the lowest of the low who no one else would go
near. He elevated the status of women, children, immigrants, slaves, and
everyone who lived on the margins of society. Keeping this in mind, this is why
Jesus’s words on lust, adultery, and divorce were so refreshing.
When he
preaches about lust, it is one of the first times that men are condemned for
lust in the Bible. In the Old Testament, there are countless instances where
male promiscuity is acceptable, or at least without consequence. The story of
Judah and Tamar comes to mind, because whereas she acted out of lawful duty,
Judah most likely slept with her out of lust.
Matthew
15:27-28 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit
adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has
already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Jesus tells
men that what they are doing is not okay. He goes beyond giving them another
law of “thou shalt not,” and instead dives into the root of the problem. It was
unlawful for a man or woman to commit adultery, yet more socially acceptable
for a man to get the services of a prostitute, which would’ve only happened
because he had a lust for women who were not his wife. Before Jesus said this
to men, only women were condemned for their sexual promiscuity.
Jesus
understood that lust wasn’t a law issue, it was a heart one. Lust is sinful
because it allows others to become sexual objects. Which is to say, it causes
us to use others for our own gratification as if they were less than human.
When Judah sought to sleep with Tamar who he thought was a prostitute, he
wanted to use her for one purpose. She was not a person to him. Lust makes
others disposable to us. This is what I think Jesus was advocating against.
Jesus also
did not take adultery or divorce lightly. In Mark 10:2, some Pharisees ask
Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” They asked this because
during this time there was debate about what reasons a man could divorce his
wife.
Old
Deuteronomic law left it vague explaining a man can leave his wife if she “becomes
displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her” (Deut 24:1). Some
interpreted this as meaning anything displeasing could be as small as bad
cooking, but others argued divorce could only happen because of serious sexual
misconduct.
The
Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus by asking him about this, but as always, he
answers in a very unexpected way and goes straight to the heart of the issue.
He says, “At the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (v. 6-9)
Jesus basically
says that divorce shouldn’t be a thing at all. That when two people are
married, they become one flesh, which is to say they are bonded like family, as
close as brother and sister.
Jesus adds
to his disciples, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman
commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another
man, she commits adultery” (v. 11-12). This statement was revolutionary because
it “puts wives on an equal basis within marriage” (Oxford).
Which
brings us to adultery. When Jesus says these words, he is speaking against the
Jewish ideology that “blamed women for divorce and adultery” (Oxford). Because
women were considered second class citizens, with less rights and social status
as men, they fell victim to the consequences of divorce and adultery far more
than men. By stating that both men and women can cause the other to commit
adultery, Jesus is putting them on equal footing.
So what
does divorce and adultery have to do with Jesus’ views on sex? Jesus made it so
that the act of sex within marriage, and even within adultery, is between two
equal individuals. One is not lower or less than the other. One should not be
condemned more for sexual promiscuity than the other. Both men and women fall
victim to sexual immorality and the consequences of both should be treated the
same way.
Sex is
required for a marriage to be consummated, just as it is required to commit
adultery. I think he understood how unifying the act of sex could be when done
right, and how damaging when done wrong.
Bringing it all together
I think the
Bible is very clear on promiscuity being sinful, and I fully understand why. If
we look back at the sexual laws of the OT, then there is a clear pattern that
arises. These laws were written to combat lust, disrespect, and dishonoring
someone else. Jesus takes this a huge step forward.
Throughout
Jesus’ ministry, he repeatedly gives dignity to the low and humanizes those who
are seen and treated as less than human. I think the same applies for sex. That’s
why lust is so harmful, because it devalues and dehumanizes the other person. They
are an object to fulfill your own desires. Nearly all sexual sins can fall into
this category. Adultery is probably specifically addressed because not only are
you hurting and dishonoring more than one person involved, but you’re breaking
a sacred vow.
I think the
most Biblical view of sex I’ve gathered is this: Sex should be an act that
humanizes the other person involved.
Do I
personally think this can only happen within the context of marriage? No. I
think that loving and committed couples can and have shown this kind of sex
outside of marriage. Should it happen best within marriage? Yes. Sex within
marriage should be the place where you value and humanize your partner the
most.
I wish that
the Christian church would teach more about sex than just “waiting.” It should
teach that sex is about equality. Sex should be approached already seeing the
inherent worth, dignity, and respect the other person deserves. No one is less
than, no one is objectified, no one is being used. When two people come
together treating sex in this way, then it is beautiful.
Sources:
Life Application Study Bible
The Oxford Companion to the Bible, edited by Bruce M. Metzger and Michael D. Coogan
