Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Where Happiness and Religion Meet

"True happiness... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller 


            Happiness seems to be a life goal for many people. We try to find a lot of different ways to reach happiness, such as obtaining more money, seeking religion, our relationships, trying to find enlightenment, etc. I was interested in the correlation between happiness and religion, and more importantly, if certain religions were happier than others. What I ended up finding was a statistical jumbled mess (it hurt my head). I think my findings are interesting enough to share (plus, I spent hours looking all this up). If the statistics bore you, you can scroll down to the very bottom where my conclusion is.

            I set out to find a correlation between religion and happiness among the different religions that exist. To begin this, we have to first understand how religion can lead to people being happier. Dr. Edward Diener has studied happiness across cultures, and believes religion is one reason that makes people happier. Him and his son wrote a book about the subject, and believe that “happiness requires a recipe of ingredients mixed in the right amounts.” There are different things that make people happy, just as there are various reasons for depression.

            They found a few important things that all happy people seem to have. All happy people have supportive relationships. They also tend to be supportive themselves, because it is fulfilling to help others. Happy people often have purpose and meaning, “a devotion to people or goals that are larger than ourselves.” They also find activities where they can use their talents. All of these aspects can be found through religion, but can also be found without it, which is why both religious and non-religious people can be happy.

            Many studies show that religious people are happier on average. Diener’s research points out a few key ingredients for why this is. He says that positive spirituality brings “emotions such as love, awe, wonder, respect, and gratitude that connect us to others and to things larger than ourselves.” He adds, “Spirituality can focus us on larger causes than our own personal welfare, and this can give us purpose and meaning.” Other ingredients religion often gives are social support, optimism for an afterlife, a moral compass, and answers to larger questions.

            What puzzles them is that the happiest nations are often relatively nonreligious. Nigel Barber backs this finding when he claims, “The most religious states are the least happy based on Gallup data. This mirrors the pattern amongst countries.” Barber adds, “Countries with the highest average self-reported happiness are the least religious.” This information is very confusing when Diener’s research has shown that, “religious people have more positive feelings in most nations.” His analysis: "People most turn to religion when conditions in their society are tough – poverty, conflict, and so forth. When conditions are good, fewer people in a nation continue to be religious. Even then, the religious individuals report more positive emotions.”

            His conclusion is not new information to most people, especially those who are religious. As a Christian, it’s be discussed to me often by friends and church that we turn to God when we are most in need of Him. So, it makes complete sense that the poorest nations tend to be the most religious. Barber is one of the very few people I have found who argues that religion doesn’t make people happier, but is more of a coping mechanism. Yet, a lot of research has found that religious people report higher levels of happiness.

            Barber argues that the basic function of religion is to cope with anxiety. Religion has a soothing function that can be compared to anti-anxiety drugs and alcohol. Religious rituals and prayer “produces a slowing of heart rate and other signs of physiological calming.” In more developed countries, basic fears about food supply and illness are small, so they are happier and their quality of life is better. Thus, they don’t need religion to cope with their difficult lives. Also, in very religious places, many of which are poor countries, there exists a lot of misery because the quality of life is so low. Barber’s ultimate argument is that among global differences, religious people are actually miserable, but are less miserable than they would be. He believes quality of life is what actually determines happiness, and not religion.

            Yet, in a survey of 114,019 Europeans in 24 countries, it was found that those who belong to a religion report higher levels of happiness than those who do not. The survey found:
  • “Protestants, other Christian religions and Roman Catholics report higher happiness levels whereas Orthodox and Eastern religions report the lowest.”
  • “The more religious, the happier. However, those who consider themselves “not at all religious” have comparable levels of happiness to those" who consider themselves moderately religious.
  • “Those who attend religious services every day say they are happier than those who never attend.”
  • “Those who pray every day [report] higher levels of happiness than those who never pray.”
  • How often you attend services is more important to happiness levels than how often you pray.

            There is clearly a lot of research that points to religious people being happier. Yet, there is still that tricky information about the least religious countries being the happiest. So, here’s what I found.

The Statistics

            In 2009, Gallup surveys in 114 countries show that, “The global median proportion of adults who say religion is an important part of their daily lives is 84%, unchanged from what Gallup has found in other years.”
*The % shows the number of people in the country that answered yes to the question, “Is religion an important part of your daily life?” Countries without the percentage were not surveyed.
*The % was from 2009, but the lists are from 2014 and 2015, so there is probably inaccuracy to how true the % is today, but everything I provided is the most recent information I could find.

Happiest Countries (World Happiness Report 2015)
Switzerland
1. Switzerland 41%
2. Iceland
3. Denmark 19%
4. Norway
5. Canada 42%
6. Finland
7. Netherlands (Holland)
8. Sweden 17%
9. New Zealand
10. Australia


10 Richest Nations (World Atlas 2014)
1. Qatar (Arab Nation) 95%
2. Luxembourg 39%
Qatar
3. The United Arab Emirates 91%
4. Norway
5. Singapore 70%
6. The United States 65%
7. Switzerland 41%
8. Netherlands
9. Ireland 54%
10. Austria 


Best Well Being (2015)*
1. Panama 88%
2. Costa Rica 79%
3. Puerto Rico
Panama
4. Switzerland 41%
5. Belize
6. Chile 70%
7. Denmark 19%
8. Guatemala 88%
9. Austria
10. Mexico 73%
11. Uruguay 41%
12. Argentina 66%
13. Columbia 83%
14. Kyrgyzstan 72%
15. Brazil 87%

*146,000 people around the world were interviewed to rank 145 countries by the well being of their residents.
*Well-being: their sense of purpose, social relationships, financial situations, community involvement and physical health.
*Participants were considered "thriving," "struggling" or "suffering" in each of those five aspects. The list is of those who were thriving in three or more aspects.

Breakdown

            I included the richest nations, because money is one aspect of well-being and happiness, and if the poorest countries are the most religious, I was curious to see how religious the richest countries are. What this information shows is that the happiest countries are on the not-so-religious side. Yet, at least in 8 of the 15 top well-being countries, 70% of the population or more say religion is important in their daily lives. More than half of the countries with the best overall well-being are relatively religious. Among the richest nations, 3 are considered relatively religious (70% or higher), 2 are relatively non-religious (less than 50%), 2 are moderately religious (50-70%), and 3 are unknown.

            The Gallup has found that in the world’s poorest countries, “the median proportion who say religion is important in their daily lives is 95%.” This goes along with Barber’s theory that religion is used to alleviate anxiety, which means poorer countries rely on religion more. The Gallup agrees, “One theory is that religion plays a more functional role in the world's poorest countries, helping many residents cope with a daily struggle to provide for themselves and their families.”

            What’s interesting, though, is that the Gallup says, “In contrast, the median for the richest countries -- those with average per-capita incomes higher than $25,000 -- is 47%.” This percentage seems relatively low, because it’s the median. But if you look at each individual country, at least two of the richest countries in the world have over 90% of their population believing religion is important to them. The number one spot, Qatar, is at 95%, the highest percentage on the list. In other words, religion is not just a coping mechanism, though that is one of its functions. Religion can be incredibly important even among the most wealthy.

Different Religions

            To break this down even more, I set out to look at the percentage of different religions practiced in these countries. Since, it would take forever to go through each country on the list, I chose to look at the top four happiest countries (there wasn’t enough up to date accurate information for Canada).

Switzerland (2012)
Roman Catholic 38.2%
Protestant 26.9%
Muslim 4.9%
other Christian 5.7%
other 1.6%
none 21.4%
unspecified 1.3%

Iceland (2013)
Evangelical Lutheran Church of Iceland (official) 76.2%
Roman Catholic 3.4%
Reykjavik Free Church 2.9%
Hafnarfjorour Free Church 1.9%
The Independent Congregation 1%
other religions 3.6% (includes Pentecostal and Asatru Association)
none 5.2%
other or unspecified 5.9%

Denmark
Dominant religion: Christianity
Second dominant: Islam

Norway
Christian 55%
Non-religious 18%
Islam 22%
Buddhism 3%
other 2%

            For Switzerland, the happiest country in the world, less than half of the population say that religion is important in their daily lives. Berger tried to argue that the happiest countries are relatively not religious, yet in Switzerland, there are more people who claim a religious faith than those who do not. For the second happiest country, the majority of the population claims a faith. This trend holds true for these top happiest countries – there are more people who claim to be part of a religious faith than those who are non-religious. Though, this doesn’t mean the religious are practicing or devout, which is a very important factor to consider. 

America

            We finally come to the only study I found that tried to find which religions are happier, and the surveys took place in America, so the results only pertain to Americans and may or may not be true for the same religion in other countries. Catherine Rampell compiled different Gallup surveys to find that Jews are the happiest religious group in America. “The latest results are based on more than 372,000 interviews conducted in 2009 and 2010, and control for major demographic and regional variables,” says Rampell.
            Gallup has found that, “the very religious in general had higher levels of well-being than their less religious counterparts.” In every major religion, the very religious had higher levels of well-being than the moderately or non-religious. The levels of religiosity are based on service attendance and how important religion is in their daily lives.

            What’s really interesting about the Jewish is that though they have highest levels of well-being for very religious, moderately religious, and nonreligious, the majority of Jews say they are nonreligious. Their very religious have better well-being than their nonreligious. Yet, even their nonreligious have a better well-being than every other religious group, except for almost all of the very religious in each religion.

            Moderately and nonreligious Protestants have the lowest scores for well-being. Nonreligious other non-Christians have the lowest score in the chart. For no religion/atheist/agnostic, they scored highest on emotional health compared to all religions in the study. They ranked second for life evaluation and third for physical health. They ranked low for work environment and healthy behaviors. It's also important to note that these differences in well-being are relatively small.



Conclusion

            So what does this all this information tell us? Religious people are happier than non-religious on average. Among the religious, the very religious have the best overall well-being. Jewish Americans have the best well-being, but they aren't significantly happier than other religions or people. The poorest countries are the most religious. The richest countries have among them the most religious and relatively nonreligious. More than half of the countries with the best well-being are relatively religious. The happiest countries are relatively nonreligious, yet among them there are more religious than nonreligious people, but they do have more nonreligious than most other countries..

            Why did I find this important and want to share it? The most important reason for wanting to share this is that I spent forever finding all this information. But the second reason is that I wondered if people knew which religions were happier, would they change their own religion? I wondered this because finding true happiness seems to be the ultimate goal for a lot of people, so would their search for happiness outweigh their commitment to their faith? There’s no way of knowing this answer. But as important as happiness is to most people, I don’t think people choose religion to be happier. Religion is chosen because of a belief system, values, morals, and traditions. Happiness just often happens as a result of these choices, but you can clearly also find happiness without religion.


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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

"He's So Funny"

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” – Victor Borge



            I once was talking to a guy who literally made me laugh out loud all night during a text conversation. He was freaken hilarious, and I nearly fell in love with him. He was a nerdy, little, scrawny engineer major who had a slight nasal problem, and most of my friends thought he was lame and unattractive. I thought he was really cute, and whenever I saw him, I was guaranteed to smile. He showed a lot of funny confidence, saying that he was so cool and dangerous, and I laughed because he seemed to really believe it. Very few guys have genuinely made me laugh like he did.

            It’s no secret that humor is a valuable quality for both men and women when it comes to dating, but each value it differently. I can’t stress enough the importance of it. If you can really make me laugh, I’ll probably fall in love with you (or at least I’ll really really like you). According to an EHarmony blog, they “looked at data from 20,000 of our eHarmony members, and found that both men and women listed “I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life” as their most important Must Have.” So, basically a sense of humor is like uber important to a whole lot of people. 

            Gil Greengross, a psychologist who studies humor, says that women want a guy who can make them laugh, and men want women who will laugh at their jokes. Many studies back this up, and there is little variation, meaning it’s not usually the other way around. A study about online dating found that when men put jokes in their profile, it significantly increased women’s interest in them. For women, adding humor did little to attract more men.  Meeting a funny guy is more important to women than men because of sexual selection theory, which believes “women are more decisive in whom they select as a mate because of a heavier investment in raising offspring, and the less-invested gender (men) will compete for mating opportunities.” Wilbur and Campbell wrote a whole book about humor in dating, and have found that women think a man’s humor shows how intelligent, warm, positive, and upbeat he is. Their research shows that, “having the ability to create humor requires cognitive flexibility, theory of mind, and communicative skill.” Greengross backs this up with his own studies that show that funny people, whether female or male, are more intelligent on average.

            As it turns out, on average men are actually funnier than women. A study asked college students to put funny captions under different images. Before the captions were judged both students and judges were asked if they thought men or women were funnier. Almost everyone believed men were funnier, and the winners of the caption contest proved this. More men had funnier captions, but there were also women who had funny ones too. An interesting twist to this study found that men think they are funnier than they actually are. Part of the study asked the students to rate how funny they thought their own captions were, and men largely were more confident about their humor than women. When the results from the judges came in, many of the men who thought they wrote funny captions actually had low ratings for humor.

            That same nerdy engineer who made laugh so much revealed to me that he had an insecurity about being funny. He wasn’t sure if he really was, but I know he made a lot of people laugh by just being his lame yet awesome self. Since humor is so important in dating, I think it’s probably a top insecurity for a lot of men. Knowing this, I’ve made many guys believe that they were making me laugh, when I was just really making myself laugh (usually at them in a lighthearted way). Male or female, making someone else genuinely laugh is not easy, and that’s why there is a whole profession dedicated to it.

            Greengross says, “funny people do have more sexual partners, start having sex earlier in life and are perceived to be more attractive in general.” Also important, he stated that there is definitely a correlation between humor and intelligence, both of which are highly valued by women looking for a good potential date. Interesting enough, Josiah Hesse disagrees with Greengross a bit. He argues that if this were true, why are so many male comedians hopeless in dating? He also points out that he really likes funny women.

             In Hesse’s article “Is being funny the ultimate aphrodisiac?” he talks to Denver standup comedian Jodee Champion, who says, “I don't think it's as simple as: Man + funny = sex appeal… Sex appeal can come from a dude being funny -- but only when combined with swagger." Another comedian, Troy Walker, adds, “Like in college admissions, it's one factor among many. She's looking at all these applications; they're all college graduates, all good-looking, etc. But this guy is funny, so he's catapulted past all these guys. But you have to have game to keep her interested.” Humor will get you far, but humor alone is not enough.

            Christina Colangelo looks at the importance of humor in dating a little further by comparing it to other valuable dating qualities in her article “The Funny Factor.” Being funny beats being wealthy, “Unless you’re Bruce Wayne — you can’t beat rich, charming and being a superhero.” Funny is more important than looks, because looks can only last for so long before actual personality is shown. Funny and intelligence tie, because “Intelligence wins her respect and humor wins her heart — can't have one without the other.” The only thing women value more than humor is ambition – “The ability to crack jokes doesn’t erase the need for your girl to imagine a life with you — and a life without work and goals is not going to be a life she wants any part of.”

            So now that we’ve established how important a good sense of humor is, what does it actually mean to have one, and if you don’t have one, can you learn how to get one? Greengross says, “A good sense of humor is about timing, the ability to say the funny thing at the right time and to the right people… Humor is largely an interpersonal activity that requires a high level of emotional, social and also mating intelligence.” So don’t despair if it doesn’t come naturally or easy to you. Apparently it’s kind of complicated. Theresa Fisher, who writes for Science.Mic, has pointers for being funny, or at least making your date think that you are. You can click on this link (How to Make Your Date Think You're Hilarious, According to Science) for the full article, but I’ll just highlight a few pointers:
  • Make fun of yourself
  • Be empathetic
  • Don’t complain without being funny
  • Most importantly, be yourself

            There are four different styles of humor and a study set out to find which one is the best for dating. Affiliative and self-enhancing are positive and adaptive, while aggressive and self-defeating are negative and maladaptive.
  •  Affiliative humor – “reflects the ability to enjoy humor with others, tell jokes, share anecdotes and so on.”
  • Self-enhancing humor – “involves using humor as a coping mechanism—finding the funny in everything, and keeping a humorous outlook on life.”
  • Aggressive humor – “involves disparaging others with humor by teasing, ridiculing and laughing at others’ expense.”
  • Self-defeating humor – “when you make fun of yourself and generally use self-deprecating humor.”

            The study followed 139 undergraduate students who were in relationships for an average of 19 months. Every three days, they were asked to record how often they used each humor style, and they had to say how satisfied they were in their relationships. Five months later they were contacted to see if they were still in these relationships.

            The results found that affiliative humor was the most common type of humor used and enjoyed. “Affiliative humor was the only style to positively predict relationship satisfaction… Self-enhancing humor had no influence on relationship satisfaction,” the study showed. When more of the negative styles of humor were used, there was a correlation with dissatisfaction in the relationship. The people that scored high on affiliative humor were more likely to stay in the relationship, and it is the only style of humor that predicted whether a couple stayed together or not. Greengross points out, “Of course, this is a correlational study, and so it is hard to state with certainty whether humor affects the relationship or merely reflects its health.”

            Along with different styles of humor also comes different types, but I won’t get into the list here, so you’ll find it on this link (The 10 Different Types of Humor). Though having a sense of humor is important, having a compatible sense of humor is the most important thing. When I meet a guy who has crude humor and likes watching vulgar comedies, it’s an immediate turn off, though there are plenty of women who find those things funny. I appreciate witty and quirky a lot more, but other types also amuse me. 

            I remember laughing at my first boyfriend for his lame attempts at romance, which I honestly thought were just cheesy most of the time (I know, sounds mean, but we understood each other's humor). He would say and do very cliche things, for example, I was wearing shorts at night once and told him my legs were cold. So he said, "I'll keep you warm," and put his arms around me. I remember thinking, "how does that help if my legs are cold?" and also that it was one of the lamest and most used lines I'd ever heard. But his cheesiness won me over, and I affectionately called him a "Dorky Nerd" while he called me sweet things like "Princess." I guess I have an aggressive humor, but it ended up being very compatible with his, because we both were able to laugh at ourselves and each other very often without being hurt by it. He probably wasn't very funny, but his dorky nerdiness made me laugh a lot, and I loved that.


            Psychologist Peter McGraw says, “When people say they're looking for someone with a 'good' sense of humor, they mean a well-matched sense of humor… You shouldn't just have an arsenal of jokes that everyone finds funny. Tell the jokes you think are funny, and if your date doesn't laugh, you're saving yourself from another bad date.” He’s completely right. If you’re a guy, not every woman will laugh at your jokes. If you’re a woman, you won’t think every guy is funny, even if a lot of other people think he is. What I appreciated the most about that nerdy engineer and my first boyfriend was that they were funny because they were just being themselves. They weren’t trying to impress me (well maybe sometimes). They were just comfortable and confident enough to be themselves, which is the most appealing quality about genuine humor.


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Tuesday, August 11, 2015

"I Don't Want To Be A Man"

"One of the best things that ever happened to me is that I'm a woman. That is the way all females should feel." - Marilyn Monroe


            I am a woman, and I love it. I would not want to be a man… ever. I think most women share this opinion. Yet, through the fight for gender equality, it just seems that “equality” has been confused for “the same.” Yes, I want to have equal job opportunities as men, equal pay, equal education, respect, safety, sexual freedom, etc. But I don’t want to do those things the same way men do.

            The best most recent example of this comes from the movie, Trainwreck, in which main character Amy seems to be living the feminist dream of equality with men. (Warning: some spoilers) Anne Petersen’s Buzzfeed article comments, “Sure, Amy screws, drinks, and writes like a man, but none of those things actually empowers her, or vaults her to a position of equality, or even makes her feel awesome, or competent, or in control.” I think feminism has done and continues to do amazing things for women globally, but it is not a perfect movement. I think it has hit a lot of confusion when it comes to gender equality.

            I appreciate Petersen’s commentary, because she highlights Amy’s actions, but also gives the motivations and insights behind them: “She has a well-paying job, but [her female boss is very misogynistic]. She drinks not because she loves it, but because she’s frightened of the emotions that surface when she doesn’t. She’s promiscuous not because she loves sex, but because she’s internalized her father’s message that emotional unavailability is preferable to rejection.” Amy’s surface level “great” life is miserable in reality. Amy reflects a lot of women of the millennial generation, and older. We want freedom and equality to not only do whatever men can do, but also to do whatever we want to do. We don't want to feel oppressed, dependent, or objectified. We want all of this without being harshly judged or criticized for trying to achieve these goals. 

             Aside from when it reaches excess, it is largely acceptable for men to drink as much as they want, have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want. They aren’t considered drunken whores, or promiscuous sluts. They can climb the job ladder by whatever means necessary, while still receiving respect and not being considered a domineering bitch. But here’s the thing, is all that actually desirable? Does all that even make men truly happy? It seems to me something so unfulfilling and empty. Yeah, men aren’t judged like women are, but there is still a cost to all of it. Men with high-paying jobs and in positions of power spend less time with their family, which is something considered only important to women, but it’s important to both sexes. Men who party a lot, who drink a lot, and have a lot of sex may have more fun, but aren’t actually more happy.

            As a woman, I want less judgement, because there are a lot of things expected of me, but that doesn’t mean I want to live my life like the stereotypical man does. In an earlier blog, “Real Men Don’t Wear Tight Pants,” I listed what I personally thought made a “real man.” Men have the fear of seeming too feminine, and they don’t want their masculinity questioned. Women are free to be as masculine or feminine as they want without fear of judgement, or at least, not to the amount men would receive.

            Women don’t fear being “real women,” because we’ve reached an age of versatility for our gender. But just like I’ve heard throughout my life that there are no more real men, I’ve also heard that there are no more good women. To discover what a real man is, I looked to the men in my life. That wasn’t so easy to do with discovering what a good woman is, because it’s changed so much in the past fifty or so years. Some would argue that only “traditional” women are good, but modernists would argue the opposite. And the women in my life have shared traits of traditional and modern. There is not one true standard.

            While compiling my list of what I believe makes a good woman, I came across something very interesting that almost every woman is aware of – the balancing act. Somewhere in between all of these qualities lies a “good woman.”

The Balancing Act

  • Not submissive, but not domineering either
  • Does not completely depend on a man, but recognizes her need for help and support
  • Expresses her emotions without overindulging in them
  • Kind and considerate, but does not let herself be taken advantage of
  • Strong and tough without being being cold and hard 
  • Voices her opinions, but also listens with an open ear and heart
  • Has the ability to be a fighter and a lover
  • Can be traditional or modern

Other Values and Qualities

  • Puts those she loves before herself
  • Respects herself and those around her
  • Confident
  • Educates herself
  • Has goals and works to achieve them
  • Supports and encourages the man she is with, her children, and others she loves
  • Compassionate
  • Stands firm by her values and passes them on
  • Is not manipulative, begrudging, or vengeful
  • Lets go of past offenses and forgives


            If a man were writing this list for women, purity and beauty (inner and outer) would probably be up there, because for some reason it's really important to men that women have those particular two qualities. But who cares if a man has purity and inner beauty, right? Being a woman is complicated and not easy. Being a good woman basically makes you Wonder Woman. There is so much expected of us, so many ways for us to fail, and so much we are loved for. 

            To be quite honest, I don’t care about this list at all. It is not a list I would follow. I want to achieve many of these things, but I wouldn’t choose to have this as a guide for my life, because being a “good woman” is something I find largely unachievable and not something I would aim for. Though most men strive to be "real men," most women don't strive to be "good women." 

            What’s most important to me is being a good person, living according to my values, and being myself in the healthiest and most beneficial way. Of all the things important to me, how many men I date, how much power I have, or how provocatively or modest I dress are definitely not top priorities. Purity and inner beauty aren't even up there. How much time I spend with my family and friends, how fulfilled I am in my job, how healthy my relationships are – those things are important. I have goals, and they can be the same as men, but I will achieve my goals through my values and not theirs. Though I may not technically strive to be a "good woman," I choose to pursue my goals as a woman would, with strength, love, respect, and dignity. 


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