“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied, “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"- Matthew 22:36-39 (NIV)
*Before I roll into things, I want you to make a list. Number it 1-5, and write down the most important things in your life. The things you love the most and dedicate yourself to wholeheartedly. It could be a person, or multiple people. It could be your education, your career, your religion, etc. Just five though. Keep this list for later.
My birthday
is coming up, and this year I decided I wanted to do nothing. I literally
wanted to bum it in my pj’s, eat junk food, and watch Netflix all day. How sad,
you may think, but this is how I saw it – I’ve done some pretty awesome stuff
for my birthday, and I feel that 24 is a very insignificant age. 25 is an
important age (quarter of a century). But there isn’t even a song about being
24. And of all the things I have done for all my birthdays, I’ve always wanted
to spend at least one birthday doing absolutely nothing and with no one but
myself.
Apparently,
though, that isn’t going to happen. Why? Because people love me too much. Nothing
to complain about I guess. A bunch of my friends found out I was just going to
watch Netflix all day, so they said they’d come join me. I didn’t invite them.
I’m clearly not allowed to be alone for my birthday. I felt forced to plan
something (‘cause it’d be super lame for everyone to come over and watch
Netflix). Then, I reflected on how freaken loved I am by so many people. I am loved so much, and I feel it from everyone I care about. I’m also
very convinced that out of my closest friends and relatives, I’m their favorite
person. Whether this is true or not, I don’t care. It’s what I believe and that’s
all that matters.
Following
my train of thought about being loved by everyone, I also reminded myself how
much I love my friends and family. Last week, one of my three besties called
me, and we ended up arguing about how downhill our friendship has gone. We’ve
been friends since the fourth grade, and while in high school and early
college, we used to be able to talk on the phone for hours. In the past few
years, we hardly talk. Like ever. As he was ranting about our friendship woes,
he still told me how much he loved me. He said that if I were across the world and
needed him, he would hop on a plane and come. This is, of course, the reason he
is one of my best friends.
I know this
is true of my three best friends. They would do anything for me and be there
for me whenever I need them no matter how we feel towards each other at the
moment. And I’d do the same for them. I’m a priority to them. I am loved by
them. I am important to them. And they would sacrifice so much for me, just
like I would for them.
The love
between me and those I care about is tangible. It can be shown in very real
ways. What my reflection brought me to, interestingly, is that I can’t point to any
tangible ways I love God. Further, I’ve never been sure I have loved God. Weird
train of thought, I know, but it’s something I’ve thought for years. There is a
real love between my friends and I. There is a love my family shows me and I
show them. I feel it. I feel it whenever my sister hugs me, or offers to play a
board game, because she knows I like them. I feel the love I have for my family
whenever I try to make it to weekend events even though I have work. I have
even felt God’s love for me, but I have never been sure I felt my love for Him.
A
lot of Christians I’ve encountered get their faith from their parents, who are
usually also religious. My parents have never been religious. I’ve been a
Christian by choice since I was about 9 or 10, because one of my uncles
introduced Christianity to me. I didn’t grow up in church and I wasn’t taught a
lot of things that other Christians are taught while growing up, such as loving
God, going to church every Sunday, and praying to God whenever you need
anything. I was taught these things while in high school and college, but by
then, it was hard to let those lessons sink in.
In college,
I was taught that God should come first, but my parents have always taught me
that family comes first. It’s been so hard to come to terms with these
seemingly contradicting beliefs. My parents taught me a lot of good lessons,
like being a good person, showing compassion to those less fortunate, and having
a strong moral compass. I learned these things by listening and watching their
example as I grew up, which is how Christians growing up learn how to be
Christian. My parents taught me how to love people, but they never taught me
how to love God. So, even though I’ve continually been told that I should love
God, I’ve just never known how.
I learned
years ago, from my first boyfriend, that Christianity isn’t a religion, it’s a
relationship between you and God. I didn’t understand this at first, but after
a few years, I saw it this way: in relationships with people, you communicate,
spend time together, do things for each other, and learn about each other. So,
I figured, a relationship with God must be similar. You communicate in prayer,
spend time with Him at Church and in daily activities, do service for Him, and
read the Bible to learn more about Him.
That’s as
much as I’ve been able to grasp the relationship thing. I know I'm supposed to go to God first for anything, but it’s hard for
me to understand that, because He’s not tangible to me like my friends and
family are. My friends will sit beside me while I cry, and my family will go
support me at things like a graduation, or reading my blog. When I'm struggling, I don't go to God first, but He's usually second, or somewhere down the line. My family and friends are the ones I instinctively go to first.
It's easier going to a physical presence first, because it's someone you can listen to, hold, and touch. You know that person is there, because you see them right in front of you. Though God is not first on my list, I still go to Him eventually because He has shown His love for me. The most tangible way happened during my junior year of high school. I had lost a lot that year –
I was allowed limited time with my mom, my dad lost his house and I had to move
in with my two uncles, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and my cat
died. On top of everything, I had become a leader of my color guard team, while
two of my closest friends on the team had quit. I felt hated by half the team
and bullied by the seniors. It was a very rough year.
We had
night practices every Thursday, during which I always had to find someone on
the team to drive me home because I had no one to pick me up. Home was now with
my two uncles, who though loved me very much, are the epitome of anti-affection
and not showing emotion. During one Thursday night practice in February, a lot of
things had gone wrong. It was just one of those practices where you can’t wait
for it to be over. As my teammate drove me home, I just thought about how much
I wanted to go to my mom, tell her about how awful practice was, and eat one of
her home cooked meals. I thought about how she’d sit there and listen to
everything I’d say, and then hug me, and how everything would feel better after
that.
It was one
of those moments where I knew there was no one else I could talk to besides
God. So, I prayed. I cried and I prayed to God, telling him that I knew I was
loved. I knew my mom and dad loved me. I knew my uncles and the rest of my
family loved me. I knew my friends loved me. I even know my ex-boyfriend still
loved me, but I didn’t feel loved. There was no one who hugged me anymore, or
not as often as I needed. I hardly heard anyone tell me they loved me. I didn’t
feel loved.
It was the
only time I am sure I truly heard God speak to me. As I cried, He told me He
loved me before my parents even knew I existed, He loves me now, and He will
always love me. At that moment, I started crying out of happiness for how much
love I felt wash over me. It was the most peace I had ever felt in my life, and
that peace has been carried with me ever since. I felt God’s love.
Even knowing
and feeling that He loves me, it didn’t help me know and feel that I loved Him.
Thankful to Him? Absolutely. But love Him? That’s still been hard for me to
learn.
In learning
about what it means to love God, I came cross these very simplistic answers on Gotquestions.org: “First, loving God
requires knowing Him, and that knowledge begins with His Word. It may sound
glib, but to know Him is to love Him.” So, we are to read the Bible if we love
Him or want to.
Additionally,
“To love God is to worship and praise Him.” I’ve learned in college that worship and praise doesn’t have to only be at church. We can worship
Him with our talents, such as creating art, or devoting to Him something we
love doing. We can praise Him with songs, works of art, spreading His message,
etc.
“To love
God is to desire Him, to yearn for His righteousness, His Word, and His grace.”
We must desire to spend time in His word, at church, and trying to grow deeper
in our faith. We must desire justice and mercy for ourselves and others.
“… to love
God is to obey Him.” Do what He commands. Follow His word, and spread the
Gospel. Live a loving and compassionate life.
“To love
God is to put Him first.” Now, this is the one I have the most trouble with. I
have yearned for God, am constantly learning about Him, and worship and praise
Him, but I just have so much trouble putting Him first in my life. Even while
showing my love for Him in other ways, I can’t say it was out of love, but more
a sense of curiosity, desire, and obedience. Maybe that is a form of love, but
I can’t be sure.
I am
indebted to Nancy Missler for her two part article, “What Does It Mean to Love
God?” She explains that God created us with two basic needs, “the need to be
loved and the need to love.” I think most people constantly try to satisfy that
first need and neglect the second. Whenever I have come across someone who
desires to love others more than they desire to be loved, I have a lot of
respect for them. She goes on to explain, “Our need "to love" can be
fulfilled only by our learning to love God and others in the way that He desires.”
Learning to love God and others is vital to our happiness and sense of purpose
in life.
She
references Matthew 22:37, which says we are to love God with all our heart,
soul, and mind, and says that this means we are to completely surrender
ourselves to Him. In this verse, the Greek word for the verb love is agapao,
which means, “to totally give ourselves over to it; to be totally consumed with
it; or, to be totally committed to it.” In other words, it’s what we put first
in our lives. Missler explains that agapao is different from Agape, “Agapao is…
what we surrender our lives to, which can be good or bad. Whereas Agape is the
supernatural, one-sided, other-centered, and unconditional Love of God.”
She goes on
to explain that loving God is not an emotional feeling, but instead, “To love
God the way He desires us to love Him, means to totally give ourselves over to
Him-to surrender, to relinquish and to abandon ourselves to Him, regardless of
how we feel, what we think or what we desire.” She says that many Christians
confuse storge love, which is “feeling love,” with agapao, which is “commitment
love.” It is more important for us to be committed to God rather than to feel
love for Him.
I was
relieved when I read her explanation of loving God, because it made a lot of
sense to me and resonates with what I believe love is. Love is so much more
than feeling. It’s deeper. Pastor Chip Ingram explains love very well on his
website Living on the Edge: “... you know
you’re in love when you’re willing to sacrifice for a person. You know you’re
in love when you’re willing to endure hardship with a person. You know you’re
in love when you’re willing to be sexually faithful to that one person. In
other words, love is giving another person what they need the most when they
deserve it the least at great personal cost. Love is a choice, a sacrifice, and
a commitment.”
When this definition
is applied to loving God, it means that we are willing to sacrifice our
happiness, desires, and goals in order to choose to be committed to God. We
sacrifice what we want for what God asks of us. Missler adds, “To love God literally means to lose self.” It makes sense,
because it’s the same when way we deeply love other people. We lose ourselves
in them. Their needs, their wants, and their happiness become more
important than our own.
Remember
that list I asked you to make at the beginning of this? Here’s mine:
1. My family
2. My friends
3. God
4. writing
5. my education/career
God is
important to me, but only after people I love. I want to serve Him, but I want
other things more. For Christians, God is supposed to be the first thing on
that list. It actually reminds me of Dante’s The Divine Comedy, particularly Inferno.
In Dante’s version of Hell, people were placed in the different nine circles
depending on their sins. Obviously, we sin more than one type, so they were
placed in the sin that was lord over their life – the thing they put first
before all else. For some, it was money (greed), for others it was violence,
gluttony, anger, vengeance, betrayal, lust, etc. It’s the thing they chose
before choosing God. That’s why, in Purgatorio
and Paradiso, there were people who
had sinned (obviously everyone does), but they had always still kept God first
in their lives, trying to follow Him and do what He commands.
What gives
me some sense of comfort is that at least my top two things are about loving people. I
love my friends and family and don’t know what I would do without any
of them. I’m still hesitant to say I love God, but I know I’d be lost without
Him, too. I’m even more comforted to know that even if I don’t feel love for
Him, it’s more important that I’m committed to Him and willing to sacrifice my
desires for His wants. I appreciate Missler’s last thoughts on the topic, which
will also be my last message to you, “The Bible, therefore, can really be
summed up in three little words: Learn to love.”
Sources:
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